Sunday, October 25, 2009

Regular Superman

Superman is a very recognizable superhero because he wears a spandex bodysuit with his red underpants on the outside with red booties. He also has a big “S” on his chest and a cape. He was invented by a pair of Jewish kids in the 1930s.

When Superman was a baby, his planet was doomed, and his parents sent him to Earth in a spaceship. (Those kids totally ripped off Moses, by the way.) The spaceship landed in Kansas of all places, and the alien baby was discovered by Mr. and Mrs. Kent, who never had any children. Fortunately for the Kents, baby Superman didn’t have tentacles or a head inside his mouth, so they were able to pass him off as their own kid.

Apparently, it was Superman’s good ole Midwestern upbringing that caused him to want to be superhero and use his powers for good. When he was a grownup, he left his parents’ farm and moved to Metropolisville, or whatever it’s called, to pursue his other lifelong dream of being a reporter. I guess he can type really fast and file papers like none other. To keep his identity a secret, he wears glasses when he’s not Superman. Eyewear can really fool people. For example, I can’t recognize my husband when he takes off his glasses. Fortunately for Superman, his girlfriend, Lois Lane, is an idiot and doesn’t recognize that he’s a superhero. She’s completely fooled by glasses. She’s also a reporter. Lois suffers the worst luck, and she’s really good at falling off buildings.

Superman is a really strong and fast guy in tights. He also started off as a good jumper. He could “leap tall buildings in a single bound.” Later on, he was able to fly instead of just jumping. I think he can also go back in time by flying counterclockwise, or something.

Anyway, Superman wears his super suit under his regular suit so he can change quickly if trouble is afoot. He used to change in phone booths, but I don’t know where he changes these days because I haven’t seen a phone booth in years thanks to cellular phones. The part of his costume that causes me the greatest concern is the cape. How does he hide it under his regular clothes? Does he just bunch it all up in the seat of his pants? Does he go around with a lumpy butt all day until trouble rears its ugly head?


  1. maybe his cape IS his underwear, you know the ones that he wears on the inside of the tights not on the outside, then he just whips it out unwraps it and wears it as a cape...

  2. Oh, thank goodness. When I read the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about Kryptonian daily fiber requirements.