Thursday, December 31, 2009

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

I haven’t seen Superman/Batman: Public Enemies yet, but do I really want to see an animated Flava Flav fight the Joker and Lex Luther?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Multiple Copies

One of the symptoms of fanboyitis is the need to buy multiple copies of the same thing. Not only does a fanboy need to have the complete collection, but he’ll often want each version of each item. For example, my husband not only buys CDs, but he also likes to buy the vinyl albums. I really don’t know why he needs two copies of Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation, but apparently he does.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Cowboy Ninja Viking Issues 1 and 2

So the verdict is in, Cowboy Ninja Viking completely sucks. No, I’m just kidding… kind of… Ash said he finally got around to reading his first two issues of Cowboy Ninja Viking, and he really didn’t care for it. I hope this means that he’ll stop buying it!

He said that the first two books had surprise endings that were meant to hook the reader into the next issues, but he didn’t have a clear enough idea of what was going on in the books to care.

It kind of takes the fun out of mocking a comic when my husband doesn’t like it either.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Sunday, December 27, 2009


I love Mystery Science Theatre 3000. I used to watch the show when I was a teenager, and I introduced it my husband after the show was tragically cancelled. We rented VHS copies of the show, and Ash actually hated this show at first. Then, he saw the episode of Pod People, and he fell in love. After that, any time he needs to buy me a gift, I get MST3K DVDs. Since I’m not a fanboy, I could live with an incomplete collection, but my husband can’t and that is why I have a packed shelf of movies.

MST3K is the brainchild of Joel Hodgson and was made in Minnesota, and it originally aired on a local TV station. It was later picked up by the cable channel that became Comedy Central. The show is about evil scientists who shot a man into space to subject him to cruel experiments. The first scientists were Dr. Clayton Forrest and Dr. Laurence Erhardt, and they launched Joel into space on the Satellite of Love. They would make him watch terrible movies in order to try to break his spirit. In order to cope with the pain, Joel created robots to keep him company. Crow and Tom joined Joel in the movie theater, Gypsy ran the higher functions of the ship, and Cambot filmed.

Dr. Erhardt was replaced by TV’s Frank pretty quickly. Eventually, Joel left the show and another human named Mike took his place. The show was canceled, but it was picked up by the Sci-Fi Channel, and Dr. Forrester’s mom, Pearl, took over as the antagonist. Her sidekicks included a talking ape from the future and an alien that carried his brain in a dish.

This show is hilarious because it makes fun of terrible movies and it has some very entertaining host segments. Unfortunately, they can’t get the rights to many of the movies again to sell, so the episodes are sold in random order. At first, individual films were sold, but now they’re sold in 4-packs. If I was an obsessive fanboy, that would probably drive me crazy, but I can deal with the randomness. I’m just happy to watch a movie that pokes fun at science fiction.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Tom vs. Fanboy Wife

(Drawing by Fanboy Wife based on Tom's logo.)

Tom Katers is a guy who makes podcasts about his favorite comics. They have titles like “Tom vs. the JLA” and “Tom vs. the Flash.” My husband thinks that Tom is divine and listens to his podcasts all the time. Tom actually goes through each and every issue, so he has millions of pointless podcasts chronicling the adventures of the superheroes he adores. This in turn encourages my husband to buy more comics than he needs so he can agree fervently with Tom.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Teen Titans: A Kid’s Game

Even though I made fun of my husband for asking for “Teen Titians,” I did buy him Teen Titans: A Kid’s Game for the holidays. It looks like it’s a book about the Grim Reaper, young Robin, a orange stripper, the Tin-Man, little Superman, a green tiger, teenage Wonder Woman, and child Flash. If these characters are teenagers, where are their mothers? What parents would allow their teenage daughters to leave the house in such skanky outfits?

Thursday, December 24, 2009


Back when Saturday Night Live was still watchable, there was a running sketch featuring the Coneheads. The Coneheads are a family of three “from France” with cone-shaped heads. The concept was developed by Dan Akryod (from Ghostbusters). The idea came to him when he was doing drugs and thought it would be funny if the people on TV had heads so tall they went off the edge of the screen. Unfortunately for Dan, the show was shot so the at-home-audience could see the tops of the cones.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Comic

Because my husband loves all things made by Joss Whedon, he of course loved Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. It starred Neil Patrick Harris, who is Barney on How I Met Your Mother. Some of the other actors appeared in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which my husband enjoyed.

Don’t let the title fool you; this wasn’t a sing-along. It’s just a short musical about Dr. Horrible, who is in love. He has a blog, which the police would read so they could foil his plans.

Now, if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s now a comic about it. The comic is just called Dr. Horrible. Thank goodness it doesn’t come with a sing-along CD or sheet music.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Final Crisis

After Final Crisis was written, there were no more problems, and Superman had to retire from the superhero profession. Good thing he had his journalism career to fall back on just in case.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Teen Titians

When the holidays roll around, my husband usually makes a big, long wish list of all the nerdy books, comics, and movies he wants. I usually get this list emailed to me, and he often has links to websites so I will buy him exactly what he wants. To me, this takes out some of the fun of gift giving because I think there should be a little bit of surprise.

This year, Ash emailed me his list, which he claimed wasn’t “too long” this year. He had a list of ten bulleted items, but 3 of those items were actually multiple volumes of comic book archives, so he asked for 23 things total. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t proofread his list and so I’m going to make fun of it publicly.

The fourth thing on Ash’s wish list was “Teen Titians TPB Volumes 1-9.” I think he meant to ask for “Teen Titans,” but I think a book about adolescent Renaissance painters would be a lot more entertaining than reading about little Robin and little Wonder Woman.

(Titian, Meeting of Bacchus and Ariadne. 1522-1523.)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Cake Wrecks Drawing

Yesterday on Cake Wrecks, Jen posted a hideous cake that featured a business card for a wedding planner. To help us recover from the horror and waste some time, she suggested that we make a drawing of the wedding that would match the cake. So, I made a drawing and emailed it to her, which she posted on Cake Wrecks!

(Drawing by Fanboy Wife for Cake Wrecks.)

Style Wars

Style Wars is a documentary my husband recently bought that chronicles graffiti artists in New York in the 1980s. At least it’s not Star Wars

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Superman’s Cousins

According to comic book nerds, there are many universes in which their beloved characters live. For example, there are lots of Supermen living in different worlds simultaneously. Of course, in many of these realities, Superman is from the planet Crouton, which is doomed, so his parents ship him to planet Earth. Even though Superman is supposed to be the last of his kind, a cousin of his happens to show up in two of these realities. His cousin is Power Girl/Supergirl. They’re both blondes, scantily clad, and can fly. Fanboys will insist that they’re different, other than their costumes. Yes, there is a big difference – two of them actually. Power Girl’s breasts are way bigger than Supergirl’s.

Friday, December 18, 2009

How to Shop for a Fanboy

The holiday season is fast approaching, and if your fanboy is like mine, then I bet he has a list a mile-long of his nerd-desires. While on the surface, it seems like your shopping will be easy, but that is only a thin veneer that hides the murky evil. First of all, I think the specific list sucks the fun out of the holidays because then there’s no surprise. Additionally, if you buy anything that’s not on the list, he will be all grumpy. So, even if you do surprise you’re fanboy, he won’t appreciate the effort.

Here are a few tips based off my past experiences.
  1. Don’t buy him anything that’s part of a collection. He will never be happy until the collection is complete.
  2. Only buy your fanboy t-shirts if you can get away with throwing away his older ones. Otherwise, he will hoard them and his dresser will explode. Even though a grown man wearing a superhero shirt is a little embarrassing, at least when you pick it out you have a little control over the situation. 
  3. Order whatever you can online so you don’t have to go to the comic book store. It will help you avoid smelling like body odor and shame when you’re done shopping.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Spider-Man Video Game

What’s worse than a video game about Spider-Man? Try watching your spouse play the video game. Gee, that’s a lot of fun.

My husband has the Ultimate Spider-Man video game for X-Box, and I’ve been “privileged” enough to watch him play it a few times. The character in the video game runs around and squirts webbing. If I remember correctly, everything has a weird heavy black outline because it wants to be a comic book.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Cruel and Horrible Movie

Just because Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in a movie doesn’t make it any good. In fact, just the opposite seems to be true. However, my husband loves all things Buffy, and he actually owns the movie Cruel Intentions. This is such a bad film.

I’ve never watched it with him, but I did see it when I was in high school. A friend of mine, who was notorious for picking out terrible movies, suggested we watch it. It was so bad. If my memory serves me right, this is a film about a brother-sister team that does terrible things. The sister, played by Buffy, has drugs hidden in a cross she wears on a necklace, and the brother is a big whore. Buffy dares her brother to sleep with a girl who has pledged to stay a virgin until she’s married. If he is able to, he gets to sleep with Buffy – his own sister!

In the end, the brother dies and Buffy gets caught doing drugs. At least it has a happy ending.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Spawn is a comic that chronicles salmon swimming upstream annually… or not.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Fanboy Toy Donation

Today, Christina from Crève! shared about her awesome toy donation to Toys for Tots. Her donation included dolls of Dracula, the Green Lantern, and Mr. Spock. Since she linked to me to further define “fanboy,” I wanted to share her story.

More Degrassi Shame

I found my husband’s Degrassi Generations book. Unlike the DVDs, this book was hidden away in shame with his omnibuses and other nerd-books. He is such a sad man.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Ghostbusters Car

There’s a big cardboard box in my closet marked “Ash’s Toys.” Inside of this huge box is an assortment of sports memorabilia he collected in college. He would spend lots of money looking for the perfect item, only to unpack it from its shipping box and put it in this cardboard box.

In addition to the bobble heads, pendants, and wooden baseballs, there’s a Ghostbusters toy car. I think it’s called the Ecto 1, but who cares?

I know it’s not a little plastic toy smuggled into our home from his youth. I’m sure he had one like it when he was a kid, and played with it until it died. He still laments over his long lost plastic proton pack from when his mom “accidentally” broke it. This car is probably a “collector’s item” because it’s made of metal and mounted on a plastic platform. I’m just thankful that it doesn’t make noise.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Superman Secret Origin isn’t that Secret

I flipped through Ash’s first issue of Superman Secret Origin, and I couldn’t figure out what the big secret was. There wasn’t anything new in the story. An alien baby was found and raised by a Kansas couple who apparently didn’t have to explain their new son to social services.

They name their kid Clark Kent, and he is faster and stronger than all of the other children. When Clark hits puberty, he shoots lasers from his eyes, which is probably a euphemism for something else. The only thing new to the Superman saga that I saw is that Clark’s dad is an optician in addition to being a farmer. He made Clark some Grant Wood-style glasses made with Kryptonian crystals. The special alien material prevents little Superman from setting things on fire when he gets frisky.

Friday, December 11, 2009

If You Give a Fanboy a Comic

If You Give a Fanboy a Comic (with apologies to Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond).

If you give a fanboy a comic book, he will ask for boards and bags.

When you give him boards and bags, he will ask for storage boxes.

When he’s filled up all of his storage boxes, he’s going to ask for an omnibus.

After he reads all of his omnibuses, he will want bookshelves to store his books. He might get carried away, and fill up all of the other shelves with superhero books too.

When he’s done reading, the fanboy is going to want to buy movies featuring his favorite superheroes.

To show everyone his fondness for these superheroes, the fanboy is going to want to wear t-shirts, hats, and pins that broadcast his love.

After he gets dressed in his superhero apparel, he’s probably going to want to read a comic book…

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Polar Bear Boy

(Drawing by Fanboy Wife, based on a picture by Gary Frank.)

Polar Boy is a superhero from the future who wasn’t good enough to get in the Legion of Super-Heroes. His power is that he can make things cold. The Legion already had a freezer in their kitchen, so they really didn’t need Polar Boy for anything.

Upset that he was rejected, he befriended other people with useless superpowers and formed the Legion of Substitute Heroes. They don’t get any health benefits, but they make $100 a day and they get a lot of calls to work once the flu season hits.

When Polar Boy doesn’t get called by the Legion, he spends his free time making ice-cream and frozen yogurt.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Hold a Grudge

The Grudge is another movie my husband owns just because Buffy the vampire slayer is in it. It’s about a girl in Japan who lives in a haunted house. There’s a ghost-boy who sounds like a cat, and then there’s a dead lady. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, but I think that Buffy has to figure out who killed them. Even though she solves the mystery, I think the ghosts kill her anyway.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

All of the Blackest Night Lantern Rings

My husband, el Nerdo, just got this month’s shipment of comics, and he couldn’t be happier. He took over the living room with stacks of comics and unpacked his Lantern rings that came with the Blackest Night comics. Of course, he had to find his Black Lantern ring and put it on with his seven new rings. He is the happiest geek in the world.

Who knew there were so many superheroes that derived their powers from lanterns? Why do they all carry their travel size lanterns in their rings? My guess is so that fanboys can’t carry around lanterns and assimilate into normal society, but they will shell out money for these rings.

Instead of having my husband lecture me about the significance of all of the rings again so I can transcribe it, I’ll just guess what these Lanterns have for superpowers.

First, there are the Black Lanterns. They’re zombies, who crave human flesh. They were invented so the comic book company could push an “event” that would require fanboys to buy many, many comics.

Violet represents royalty and romance, so the Violet Lanterns are the only ones that are able to get dates because of the psychological effect their costume color has on the ladies. Ash insists that they’re not the Violet Lanterns, but they’re the Indigo Lanterns. The ring looks pretty violet to me, and I’ve heard that some scientists have rejected indigo from the color spectrum anyway.

Blue is a relaxing color, but some hues make people depressed. The Blue Lanterns realized they’re ridiculous superheroes and are very sad about it.

The Green Lanterns are the main superheroes. They wear green spandex, fly through space, and make magic come out of their rings.

I know that the Yellow Lanterns are evil because Ash made me watch that Green Lantern movie. It would make more sense if the evil Lanterns were red because red is the opposite of Green. Apparently Green Lanterns are helpless against the color yellow, which is ridiculous because green is half yellow.

Orange is next on the color wheel, and it makes people hungry. The Orange Lanterns must like to eat. They are very thankful that their spandex uniforms are stretchy.

Red is the color of passion, it also is used for warnings. My husband told me that the Red Lanterns are full of rage. I think I once saw a comic with Red Lanterns vomiting blood on the cover. This is weird, because red is also a color for attraction.

Psychologically, pink is a very soothing color. Babies cry less when they are in pink blankets and prisons are painted pink to calm in the inmates. The Pink Lanterns show up when there is trouble to help everyone calm down and take a nap.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Sonic Youth Book

My husband recently read Goodbye 20th Century: a Biography of Sonic Youth by David Browne, and he enjoyed it. He made one fatal flaw though – he told me about it. Ash would tell me about his favorite anecdotes of his beloved band.

One story he shared was about how everyone in the band loved to collect records, but Thurston Moore put them all to shame. He was obsessed with collecting albums. It got so bad that he and his wife, Kim Gordon, had to rent a second apartment just to house their stuff.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Blackest Night Event

A crossover event is when a comic book company decides that they’re going to have one plot that will invade all of their different titles. They do this so fanboys need to buy a lot of extra comics to understand the story. DC Comics is using this marketing ploy in their Blackest Night event.

My husband is in love with the Green Lantern, and so he buys the Green Lantern comics. Now, due to this event, he has to buy all of the other comic books that have “Blackest Night” printed on the cover so he understands the story. He also needs to buy all of those comics so he can collect the plastic rings.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Fallen Captain America

A few years ago, they decided to kill Captain America. It was a big deal in nerd-world, and I remember hearing about it on the Colbert Report. (This is why Steven Colbert has a Captain America shield on his set.) It wasn’t a big deal though, because they brought him back. Superheroes never actually stay dead because the corporations that own the characters want to keep making money. They kill off their characters every now and then in a big “event,” which hopefully boosts sales. Then, after a while, they bring the characters back. Sometimes they are zombies, like in the Black Lantern hubbub. Other times, they just restart the story. Another way they do this is say that the story takes place in a parallel dimension where the superhero never even died in the first place.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Link from the Legion of Omnicon

I just think it is hilarious when regular fanboy blogs link to my site. It only encourages me to make fun of my husband more. Today, I discovered that the Legion of Omnicon, which is a blog that is devoted Legion of Super-Heroes, linked to all of my postings on the subject!

Knocked Up

The guy that plays Marshall on How I Met Your Mother has a small part in the movie Knocked Up. This is a pretty terrible movie, but my husband bought it because he needs to own every movie that has Marshall in it. I think he’s the new Bill Murray.

Like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Marshall is naked in this film. At least it’s for a shorter period of time, and he covers his shame with his hands. He’s still too naked though!

Anyway, this movie is about a marijuana-smoking, jobless guy who has a one night stand with a woman who works in celebrity gossip television. She gets pregnant, and the movie is about the two of them trying to develop a relationship. Ivan Reitman, who was in Ghostbusters, played the irresponsible guy’s father, which is probably another reason Ash purchased this movie.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

X-Marks the Spot

Ash loved to watch the X-Men cartoon back in the day. As each DVD box is released, he brings it home with glee and we watch nothing but non-stop X-Men. The third volume has 15 episodes, and at least my husband will fast forward the theme song when I’m in the living room because it is so annoying.

The X-Men is like a cartoon soap opera for children and fanboys. The episodes are extended to link to each other, and the nerds eat it up without question. For example, “The Dark Phoenix” story stretched over 4 episodes. I think that is the story when Jean Grey turns in the Phoenix, but then she turns into a vampire and goes out at night. (I’m not a fanboy, so I’m immune to the riveting drama.)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

How to Make Comics

After I made the mistake of reading Understanding Comics, my husband suggested I read Scott McCloud’s Making Comics. I think the phrase goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Well, this is a “shame on me” situation. I read this entire book.

Ash, like many fanboys before him, has the unrealistic dream of writing his own comic book series. However, Ash cannot draw very well. I bet that he thought that if he could get me to read Making Comics, I would want to try illustrating a comic of my own. Of course, it would be his comic. Fortunately for me, Ash is a procrastinator and hasn’t started writing his own comic. Even if he did start writing one, I could also play the procrastinator card and never get around to illustrating it!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009