Saturday, July 24, 2010

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Don’t Watch Roman

My husband adores Veronica Mars, but even he had to admit the movie Roman was horrible. There is no reason to watch this movie, and I’ll share why.
This movie is about an anti-social man named Roman who eats nothing but pork and beans in a can, and that quirk gets the attention of an unsuspecting Veronica Mars. Unfortunately for her, Roman kills her and keeps her decomposing body his shower. He covers his walls with air fresheners and fills the tub with ice, but it’s okay because fake rubber corpses don’t smell anyway.
Even though Roman has his dead girlfriend in the bathroom, he starts to date a neighbor who thinks she’s a dryad and likes death. Eventually, Roman starts cutting up bathtub girlfriend’s body so he can take her out on dates. He would take the plastic body parts, one at a time, on a picnic and then chuck them into a river. Unfortunately for him, before he goes to throw out the last appendage, the rubber leg, Roman’s crazy fairy girlfriend stops by. Roman hides the leg in the bed, and then Roman and the dryad do the nasty despite the smell.
The movie ends with Roman visiting his fairy girlfriend to see her latest creation because she’s an “artist,” I guess. He finds that she has recreated Sir John Everett Millais’s Ophelia. Not only was this a bad movie, but it had to drag a reputable artwork into it.


  1. Three more movies to go. The horror, the horror, the horror! Skeleton Man look like it should be a winner.

  2. Wages of Sin next! I hope it pays well!

  3. I don't know if I can sit through another one of these.