Thursday, September 30, 2010

Renaissance Rob Part II

By the time of the Renaissance, the Liefeld family had spread throughout the globe. Not only was Robbo Botticeliefeld living in Italy, there was a Robrecht Lürer living in Germany. At this time, woodblock printing was very popular. Robrecht Lürer was also interested in the shading technique called hatching, which is the use of many small parallel lines that give the illusion of shadow when printing or drawing in ink.

Robrecht really enjoyed using hatching lines in his interpretation of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which was made at the end of the 15th century. At the time, apocalypse themes were very popular because many people thought the world was going to end in the year 1500. Unfortunately, Robrecht’s print was not very popular.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Renaissance Rob Part I

The Renaissance was a high point in art and culture in the Western world. This was a time of discovery and innovation in art, math, science and literature. “Renaissance” means “rebirth” and it came about because of the rediscovery of ancient Greek and Roman art and artifacts. Many Christians no longer thought that their ancient Pagan ancestry was completely evil, and they used many Greco-Roman influences in their new creations. Not only did the art world return a time of excellence, but many artists went beyond the ancient artists and created new and wonderful works of art.

Unfortunately, Robbo Botticeliefeld was not able to keep up with the times. The Birth of Venus is an example of his painting style. Despite the many successful art apprenticeship programs available in Italy during the Renaissance, Botticeliefeld insisted on being a “self-taught” artist. While he was interested in Greco-Roman imagery (especially the nude ladies), he was not interested in proportion or using any observational skills.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Rob in the Middle Ages

While the ancient Liefeld artists did not fit in, they had more success during the Middle Ages. In the history of art, a high point in human depiction developed during the Greco-Roman times. Artists trained hard and were able to recreate the human form in paintings and statues. After Constantine came to power and changed everyone’s religion to Christianity in the Roman Empire, there was a noticeable change in the art world. One of the ways the Christians separated themselves from the Pagans once they got into control was by destroying Greco-Roman artwork. Because they were monotheistic, they assumed all artworks created by Pagans went against their religion and they committed acts of iconoclasm. Additionally, when the new Christian artists abandoned the knowledge and traditions of the past and went in a new direction. This new tradition denied the human body, and people started to look unrealistic. Many pictures had heavy outlines, unrealistic perspective, boneless fingers, and a bold lack of proportion.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Ancient Egyptian Rob

Rob Liefeld comes from a long line of “self-taught” artists. His family tree can be traced all the way back to ancient Egypt. The tomb of a man named Robankhamun was discovered not too long ago. While all ancient Egyptian artists strived to match the canon, Robankhamun chose not to learn from any of the master artists and did not make art in the tradition that lasted thousands of years.

The goal of ancient Egyptian art was to show the human body as complete as possible, and there were many artistic devices used to assure harmony. Many times, these images served a religious purpose. For example, portraits of the dead could help assure the survival of the soul in the afterlife if the mummy was destroyed.

Unfortunately for Robankhamun fans, there is only one surviving painting by the man. This painting was found in his tomb. Egyptologists imagine that the tomb decoration was started by a trained artist, but Robankhamun chose to paint his own portrait. Like other artists in the Liefeld family tree, this one chose to draw giant arms with bulging veins, a tiny head, and uneven legs. Most importantly, Robankahamun made a proud statement of his inability to draw feet.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Rob Liefeld Week

It is common knowledge that my husband is infatuated with comics and hoards more than any grown man should. He likes that balance of storytelling with words and pictures. Additionally, I’ve taken him to enough art museums and exhibitions so he knows a thing or two about art. He has his favorite artists, and he also has a few artists he avoids. One “artist” Ash doesn’t care for is Rob Liefeld.

Rob Liefeld is an artist who was very popular during the 1990s and is known for his untraditional line work. Even though he is unable to draw hands, feet, and women, he apparently has made a lot of money illustrating comic books. Every now and then, Ash will show me a picture by Liefeld on the internet for our shared amusement. I am baffled that this man had a financially successful career as an artist. Ash told me that Liefeld is “self-taught,” which goes without saying. The funny part is that Liefeld is proud that he hasn’t taken any art lessons. I suppose the saying “ignorance is bliss” is true.

So, in honor of Rob Liefeld and all of the people who supported his career, today is the first day in Rob Liefeld Week.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Batman’s Back

Even though Batman’s coming back from the dead, Ash isn’t too excited about it. Perhaps he’s finally sick of all the resurrection during the Blackest Night? Anyway, he was pretty excited about a story that features Booster Gold searching for Batman. The book is called Time Masters Vanishing Point. Superman and the Green Lantern are also in the book. Rip Hunter is a time traveler that I’ve never heard of beforehand, but he’s another one of the main characters. Ash said Rip monitors people who travel through time, and he’s Booster Gold’s son from the future.

Ash also keeps insisting that this story is “cool.” I think he just wishes he and his dad were superheroes who could travel through time.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Great 10

Ash has been reading The Great Ten lately, and it’s lead by the August General in Iron. He originates from the 1980s. He got zapped by an alien beam, which caused his skin to turn into iron. Since he’s made out of iron, he his free to go pants-less.

The Ghost Fox Killer is the Iron General’s girlfriend. She comes from another dimension, but she’s named after the Wu Tang Klan. Anyone she touches instantly dies. Their souls become her minions too.

The Shaolin Robot is based off the Terracotta Warriors from that famous tomb in China, but in the D.C. Universe those clay statues are really robots made by the man who invented binary code. This particular robot was programmed by the binary code inventor to hold his essence. He can’t quite communicate with humans, but he’s very strong.

Ash thinks that the Accomplished Perfect Physician used to be a bad doctor, but he sold his soul so he could become a better doctor.

The Seven Deadly Brothers is really only one character. He learned seven different types of martial arts, and he can split himself into seven people. He can rejoin into one person, but he suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder and likes to fight.

Ash can’t remember much about Thunder Mind, but he remembers that he’s some sort of a psychic.

The Celestial Archer is an archer for the Gods. Whoever finds the bow gets to become the Celestial Archer. It’s kind of like the Green Lantern, but it’s a bow instead of a ring – whoever has it gets the power. The Celestial Archer is also torn because the Gods that he is supposed to server really aren’t Gods, and he has to fight them.

The Mother of Champions is a baby-machine. When she gets pregnant, she gives birth to 25 babies at a time that immediately grow into soldiers and die after 2 weeks. Between maternity and bereavement leave, she never has to go to work again.

Ash said that the Immortal Man in Darkness in an alien fighter pilot. He might be dead.

The last of the Ten is the Socialist Red Guardsmen. His body is radioactive and he was one of China’s first superheroes. He has to wear a super-suit and can’t be around people because he will kill them. The suit focuses his radioactivity into a weapon. He’s also sick, but he still managed to knock up the Mother of Champions. On the plus side, he won’t have to pay child support because the kids die after two weeks.

Ash really liked The Great Ten and asked me not to make fun of it too much. So, instead of mocking it further, I’ll just leave this information as is.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

These Super Boots were Made for Walking

Ash said that the Superman walking around story is so “compelling” that the issues are coming out late. The current issue, 703, is already a month late. The next issue will have a different creative team for issue 704. Ash decided not to preorder #704 because he is a little bored by watching Superman walk around so much. I’m so proud of him!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ash’s Flash Joke

Here’s a joke that Ash wanted to share. “The Flash may be the fastest man alive, but the latest book ever.” Apparently, the issues are often released later than expected.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Comic Island

Ash has taken over the living room with what he calls, “Comic Island.” Comic Island is a few long boxes with many piles of comics spread all over the floor. As it turns out, my husband has neglected to keep up on boarding and bagging his precious comics. He thought this week would be a good time to catch up, but he ran out of Mylar bags. ¡Dios mio! So, his mighty project of carefully preserving comics he’ll never read again has come to a standstill and Comic Island remains in my living room.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Bulletproof Comic

One of Ash’s recent acquisitions is The Bulletproof Coffin, which is an Image title. He said it’s about a guy who cleans up houses after the owners have passed away. So his boss doesn’t have to pay him very well, this guy gets to keep any cool stuff he finds. He also has an annoying family, and he likes to read comics. This book also features a comic in a comic. The main character found unpublished issues of his favorite childhood comics, which the reader of The Bulletproof Coffin gets to read too.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Doc Savage

Did you hear the news? Savage Dragon finally earned his Ph.D., so now he’s called Doc Savage.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Batman Odyssey

The Batman Odyssey title chronicles the story of Batman on a journey after the Trojan War. He had to be on a boat, his friends were turned into swine, he had to resist the sirens, and pass by Scylla and Charybdis. When Batman finally returns home, he finds out that his girlfriend’s house is full of men who are trying to take his place. His girlfriend produces the Bat-Bow and said that she’ll marry anyone who can draw the string.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Renaissance Festival Scavenger Hunt

  There are a lot of clichés at Renaissance festivals, so here is my challenge. The next time you go to a Renaissance faire, try to spot all ten items on this list.
  • Smoked Turkey Legs
  • Mead
  • Jousters
  • Belly Dancers
  • Madrigal Singers
  • Pirate wearing Tennis Shoes
  • Ye Olde Port-a-Potty
  • Science Fiction Character
  • Upsetting Codpiece
  • Disturbing Chainmail Bikini

Thursday, September 16, 2010

There is No Hope

I guess the mutant Hope from the X-Men is all grown up now. It seems her superpower includes the ability to shrink in size, but unfortunately her head shrunk a little too much and now it’s out of proportion with the rest of her body. She’s also currently in the midst of a lawsuit against her plastic surgeon for the botched breast augmentation.
She’s still teamed up with papa Cable, who was in a tragic chainsaw accident. When the surgeons put his face back together, they put his eye on the side of his head.
Then again, I could be wrong because I am judging a book by its cover, and I was told not to do that. However, I do think that books that rely primarily on illustration can be judged by their covers, which I why I stress the importance of hiring artists who understand basic human anatomy.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Brush your Teeth like Superman

A lot of times, the same advertisements appear over and over again in comics. A recent campaign by Colgate toothpaste is popping up in all of Ash’s comics. It’s using the premise that if fanboys brush their teeth, they’ll get to kiss ladies just like Superman. Unfortunately, I bet Superman gets kissed because he’s saves people’s lives and wears “tight pants to show off his bulges.”
I don’t want to argue with Colgate because I know there are some fanboys that need a little extra reminder when it comes to hygiene. I’ve been to comic book stores and waited in line for Free Comic Book Day next to a few foul-smelling fans. I hope to see advisements for deodorant and soap in the near future.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

RiffTrax Plan 9 from Outer Space

There are two RiffTrax versions of Plan 9 from Outer Space. You do not need to own both of them like my husband. It’s the same movie with the same people making the same jokes. One was recorded live and is in color,while the other is black and white and a little cheaper.
I recommend getting the live version if you have a choice because there is a short about flight attendants, which I thought was pretty funny.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Patrolling Doom

Ash has been reading Doom Patrol lately, so it keeps coming up in conversation. Here is the information I’ve gather so far. First of all, it’s a superhero team from many years ago that got cancelled. The book ended with a big explosion. The series was brought back, so it’s in publication again.
There is an invisible man on the team. His soul lives in a body made of bandages. He can leave his wrappings for a few seconds, but he has to return. He is pretty much immortal, as long as he stays in his bandages. If he is separated from them for too long, he will basically be a ghost doom to roam the Earth for all eternity.

Another character is a robot man, whose existence is pretty sad too. The robot man died, but a scientist put his brain into a robot (but at least he didn’t have to fight the Aztec mummy). I think this man would rather be dead than be a robot. On the plus side, he’s very popular on the dance floor because he can do the robot very well.
The last superhero is a woman who can grow very large and shrink back to normal size. She’s a good friend to have when moving, fighting Godzilla, or changing light bulbs in very tall fixtures. Unfortunately, she actually died in that explosion, and so she’s a clone that’s made out of mush. Now, she’s pretty much invincible too.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Black Adder

For a man who abhors Renaissance festivals, Ash certainly loves the Black Adder. Ash is on a BBC kick, and before he went broke he spent all of his money on British television shows on DVD. Black Adder begins in the Middle Ages, and it tells the tale of a dimwit knight with his two companions trying to become king. The first story arch ends with him chopped to bits.
The next story takes place during the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. The Black Adder is a little bit smarter, his companions are a lot dumber, and the story end tragically for them all. I know that there a few other incarnations of the Black Adder, but I didn’t finish watching the series.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Tegan’s Amazing Mullet

Ash watched The Two Doctors recently, and it was pretty terrible. It showcased lame aliens, boring plot, and bad costumes. I think it also had something to do with cannibalism. Anyway, it’s the bonus features that interested me. Usually, bonus features make me want run screaming from the room, but I was busy doing something in the living room when Ash wanted to watch them so I couldn’t escape.
The bonus feature he watched began with a photo of a little fanboy who made himself a hideous Joe Don Baker Doctor Who costume. Because this kid had a costume, they made a mini-episode for him. In that episode, the Doctor beamed Tegan, one of his assistants aboard. Tegan usually had short hair, and as the show progressed, her hair got uglier and uglier.
For this particular episode, Tegan was sporting a mullet. It wasn’t just any mullet; this Doctor Who mullet was immaculate! Many of the mullets I have seen seem to have happened by mistake, as though they came into being on their own due to a combination of neglect and a lack of taste. This wasn’t the case with Tegan’s hair. Oh no! It looked like it took a team of experts working around the clock to cut and style her hair. The party in the back was evenly cut and combed. The business in the front was curled and lacquered in place. Other mullets should watch this DVD just so they can take notes.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Brightest Day

Brightest Day is the sequel to the Blackest Night crossover event, which had to do with the Green Lanterns and their ilk. As far as I know, all of the superheroes killed in Blackest Night were brought back to life by the magical White Lanterns and all is merry and well in the DC Universe. It’s almost as though Blackest Night never happened, thus negating the need for Ash to hold onto all of those comics. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see it from my point of view.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Comic Book the Movie

Ash owns a copy of Comic Book, the Movie, but I’ve never seen it. On one hand, it has Bruce Campbell in it. On the other hand, it has Kevin Smith in it. It’s also about comics. Even though I adore Bruce Campbell, I can’t bring myself watch it.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Fanboy Pickup Line #164

Even though Ash and I have been married for quite some time, he still tries to make up pickup lines. This last year, they have gotten nerdier and more shameful than ever. Of course I will be sharing this information in order to warn other women to run away and let fanboys know that these attention-getting quips are not appropriate.
One night Ash turned off his Doctor Who DVD and said, “I don’t want to watch Doctor Who. I want to watch doctor you!”

Monday, September 6, 2010

Super Walk

When Ash was going through his comic stash, he held up Superman 701 and said, “In this exciting issue of Superman, Superman goes for a walk!” Ash then went on to explain that Superman has been walking around a lot feeling depressed because a woman was mad at him. She was upset because Superman didn’t cure her husband’s brain tumor with his laser vision because he was in space saving the planet.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Vigo Gnocchi

I really do not enjoy cooking, but I can make a few decent meals. My most recent favorite dish is chicken gnocchi Veronese. It’s a very unhealthy chicken dish with cheese sauce and Italian potato dumplings. I don’t think Ash cared for the meal at first, but then he saw the brand of gnocchi I bought.
Honestly, I’m too lazy to make my own gnocchi, and I don’t have all of the right cooking equipment anyway so I just buy Vigo gnocchi. Yes, that’s Vigo, like the antagonist in Ghostbusters II. I think Ash secretly hopes that the dumplings were made in an evil painting

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Reason #443 Why I Don’t Read Comics

I can’t read comics because I am not allowed to draw clothing on the female superheroes with permanent markers.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Speed Freak T-Shirt

My husband bought this “Speed Freak” Flash t-shirt because he thought it said “Speed Force.” For someone who spends hours every day reading comics, he’s not a very good reader.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Ash bought Savages awhile ago insisting that it would be a wonderful movie. He fell asleep about 10 minutes into and I was “treated” to a story about two disturbed adults trying to figure out what to do with their insane father. I actually managed to turn this movie off without waking Ash, so I don’t know how it ends.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010