Friday, September 24, 2010

Great 10

 
Ash has been reading The Great Ten lately, and it’s lead by the August General in Iron. He originates from the 1980s. He got zapped by an alien beam, which caused his skin to turn into iron. Since he’s made out of iron, he his free to go pants-less.

The Ghost Fox Killer is the Iron General’s girlfriend. She comes from another dimension, but she’s named after the Wu Tang Klan. Anyone she touches instantly dies. Their souls become her minions too.

The Shaolin Robot is based off the Terracotta Warriors from that famous tomb in China, but in the D.C. Universe those clay statues are really robots made by the man who invented binary code. This particular robot was programmed by the binary code inventor to hold his essence. He can’t quite communicate with humans, but he’s very strong.

Ash thinks that the Accomplished Perfect Physician used to be a bad doctor, but he sold his soul so he could become a better doctor.

The Seven Deadly Brothers is really only one character. He learned seven different types of martial arts, and he can split himself into seven people. He can rejoin into one person, but he suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder and likes to fight.

Ash can’t remember much about Thunder Mind, but he remembers that he’s some sort of a psychic.

The Celestial Archer is an archer for the Gods. Whoever finds the bow gets to become the Celestial Archer. It’s kind of like the Green Lantern, but it’s a bow instead of a ring – whoever has it gets the power. The Celestial Archer is also torn because the Gods that he is supposed to server really aren’t Gods, and he has to fight them.

The Mother of Champions is a baby-machine. When she gets pregnant, she gives birth to 25 babies at a time that immediately grow into soldiers and die after 2 weeks. Between maternity and bereavement leave, she never has to go to work again.

Ash said that the Immortal Man in Darkness in an alien fighter pilot. He might be dead.

The last of the Ten is the Socialist Red Guardsmen. His body is radioactive and he was one of China’s first superheroes. He has to wear a super-suit and can’t be around people because he will kill them. The suit focuses his radioactivity into a weapon. He’s also sick, but he still managed to knock up the Mother of Champions. On the plus side, he won’t have to pay child support because the kids die after two weeks.

Ash really liked The Great Ten and asked me not to make fun of it too much. So, instead of mocking it further, I’ll just leave this information as is.

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