Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Urine-Man

Sometimes I don’t take the time to read things carefully, so there are times when I miss read text. I also lack a sense of internal monologue at times, which is why I asked my husband why he had a comic called “Urine Man.”


In my defense, when I first saw the cover it was only for a second and it was upside-down.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Seth Rogen

I really don’t get what appeal Seth Rogen has, but my husband adores him. Seth Rogen has replaced that special place in Ash’s heart that was once held buy the man who plays Marshall on How I Met Your Mother. For a while, Ash bought every Seth Rogen movie he could find, and they’ve taken over my living room.


Seth Rogen’s voice is very irritating to me. It sounds like he had a sore throat, but instead of taking a lozenge he ate Kermit the Frog. Apparently he’s funny, but he’s pretty much annoying. He seems to play a lot of characters that are lazy and do drugs. As I said earlier, I can’t figure out his appeal.

Monday, March 29, 2010

We’ve Got Spirit, Yes We Do!

My husband finally brought home The Spirit DVD. I knew that it was yet another comic book-based movie, and even though many of them are terrible I know that fanboys can’t resist. Like many other forms of literature, movies based on comics are usually not nearly as entertaining as the original story. Ash didn’t like Spider-Man, the Batman movie with Adam West, and he refuses to watch Watchmen.


He did like Iron Man though, but I think it was because he doesn’t read Iron Man comics. So, I’ve developed the Iron Man Hypothesis, which means that a fanboy will only enjoy a comic-based live-action movie if he doesn’t read the comics.

Ash put off buying The Spirit for a while, but he gave into temptation. When he watched it, he kept giggling with glee because he recognized some of the actors as comic book guys. He tried to point them out to me at first, but I didn’t know who they were or why they were important, and I think he got tired of explaining their importance to me.

I wasn’t really paying attention to Ash’s mini-lectures or the movie itself, but it was pretty weird. It was about a police officer who was brought back from the dead. He had to wear a blue suit, red tie, and little mask to protect his identity. He was also kind of a slut. Samuel L. Jackson was the antagonist, and they fought each other. There were lots of strange women with even stranger names. There was a knife-lady named Plaster of Paris. The Spirit’s long-lost-love was named Sans Serif (because Times New Roman was a ridiculous name)! I think the movie ends with the Spirit and Samuel L. Jackson fighting over who gets to drink the blood of Hermaphroditus (or some other Greco-Roman figure).

Overall, I don’t think this was Ash’s favorite comic movie, but I think he would have hated it if he read The Spirit comics before purchasing this film.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Fantastic 4-Below

Ash said that everyone is in love with the Fantastic Four cover where everyone is huddled in the snow. I’ve walked through my share of snowstorms, and I’m not very impressed with the cover.


I don’t know why the Thing even needs a coat. He’s a rock – why is he cold? Also, why is the Human Torch only setting his hands on fire? If it’s really cold, wouldn’t he activate his spontaneous combustion superpower to keep warm? The other two could benefit from the fire as well.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

New Facebook URL

Here is the new link to my Facebook fan page: www.facebook.com/FanboyWife

Angelus


I have no idea what Angelus is about, but I thought the covers were kind of funny. It looks like they’re about scaly, buxom angels who fight scaly, buxom demons. Ash said they have something to do with Witchblade, but I was too busy laughing at their costumes to pay attention.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Cowboy Ninja Viking

I never found out if Cowboy Ninja Viking was one character or three, but Ash said that it was a short-run book. The last issue came with a script for the comic. Now, Ash has more useless comic-accessories to add to his clutter.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Nerd Fashions


Ash brought home this shirt and hat set he bought. He told he was concerned that the fake long sleeves would make him look dorky. No, I think it’s the fact that the shirt showcases Superman, the Green Lantern, Batman, the Green Arrow, and the Flash is what makes him look dorky. The DC yarmulke that came with the shirt doesn’t help much either.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Animal Man


Animal Man was bit by a radioactive animal. He now runs around naked, eats out of a dish on the floor, and scoots his butt on the carpet.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Supergod

Aren’t Gods, by definition, super? Don’t they all have a superpower of some sort?

Monday, March 22, 2010

Pile of Wednesday Comics


On the plus side, Wednesday Comics was meant to be published only for a limited time. On the negative side, my husband bought all of them. He has a big stack of Wednesday Comic that he hasn’t read yet. Since Wednesday Comics came out every Wednesday, and his comics only get delivered once a month, the pile has grown out of control. I don’t understand why he needs to buy all the comics in a series just because they’re available. What if they’re terrible? Instead of only buying one or two bad comics, he has to buy all of them due to his fanboyitis. By the time he gets to reading them, it’s too late not to waste all the money.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Xander Harris

One of Buffy’s sidekicks was nerdy guy named Xander Harris. Unlike the stereotypical nerd, Xander was not very smart. Even though he was pushing 30, he was still in high school. I think Ash mentioned that the man who played him was originally a sound-guy, but then he got the role as Xander.


I think the purpose of Xander’s character is so fanboys who watch the show have a character they can relate to in the cast. These nerds can vicariously live through Xander and pretend that they have a blonde friend with super-powers. Even though Xander is in love with Buffy, like the fanboys in real life, he never got to date her.
 
Xander’s love-life was pretty unusual. He was only attracted to women with supernatural powers or demons. He was first in love with Buffy, who had demon-powers. He also fell in love with a praying mantis monster, a witch, a woman who later got demon-powers, and he almost married a former demon.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

JSA vs. Cobra

I saw a JSA vs. Kobra issue in my husband’s pile of comics. I guess the Justice Society of America fights a giant lady and her pet snake. I don’t know why all of the superheroes have their backs turned to her though. I would think that a 50-foot tall woman would have trouble sneaking up a group of people. I’d imagine that at least one of the JSA members would have super-hearing!
 

Friday, March 19, 2010

Longest, Blackest Night

How long is this night supposed to last? Ash keeps getting more and more Blackest Night comics. He has all the rings already. How much longer will the agony last?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Spider-Woman

When a male superhero character gets really popular, many times a female counterpart will be created to help rake in some more cash without having to strain anyone’s gray matter. For example, Supergirl was created to compliment Superman. Power Girl can also count as another female Superman. Bat-Man has Bat-Girl as his female spinoff. It’s twice the heroes with half the creativity. There are two things that annoy me about these female superheroes. First of all, their costumes are always more revealing than anything the men wear. Secondly, they’re only “girls” when the males are “men.”


At least when Spider-Man got a sex-change, he got to be called “Spider-Woman” instead of “Spider-Girl.” Okay, I’m kidding, Peter Parker isn’t transgendered, but that might make an interesting story arc. Besides, if the story isn’t popular, the wizard can always send the character back in time pre-operation!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Film Crew


The Film Crew is another Mystery Science Theater 3000 substitute. I like it better than RiffTrax because it has host segments. The show stars Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett. The premise of the show is that they have a boss named Bob Honcho who has them give commentary track to commentary-less films. Each movie begins with Mr. Honcho assigning the Film Crew their movie, and then they commentate off screen. There’s a lunch break that’s usually pretty funny, and then they return to the movie.

There’s a reason those movies don’t have commentaries.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Wanted: Power Girl Illustrator

Ash told me that Amanda Conner is no longer going to be illustrating the Power Girl comic. I’ve decided to send DC my résumé, but I heard that whoever can draw Power Girl with the biggest breasts will get the job.


Here is my submission.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Whale Green Lantern

I knew that the Green Lanterns were humans and aliens that kind of look human. I even knew that there was one with a pig head. What I didn’t know was that there was a whale Green Lantern! He’s a flying, green whale. Since he doesn’t have arms and legs, he can’t fit in the Green Lantern uniform. To help him feel less naked, the other Green Lanterns painted his skin.


I don’t know where he wears his Green Lantern Ring. Maybe he got his blowhole pierced?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

R.E.B.E.L.S.

What is R.E.B.E.L.S. an acronym for anyway? Rigorous Earthlings Begin Eating Lots of Shortcake? Robot Elves Buy Everyone’s Left Shoe? Real Emus Bemoan Everything Loaded with Salt? What does it mean?


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Titanium Rain


Titanium Rain is a comic that chronicles the adventures of the Superhero Formerly Known as Prince.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Adventure Comics 6

Adventure Comics #6 is Geoff Johns’ last issue (for now). Ash was very excited about this story and told me all about it. This story finishes up the Superboy story, but it’s not Superboy Prime. This Superboy is Conner Kent, who is Lex Luthor and Superman’s biological baby. I guess Luthor harvested Superman’s semen after he died, and then had their DNA combined to create Conner Kent. Superman came back to life later on, and Conner Kent preferred his Superman-dad instead of his Lex Luther-dad. This made Luthor furious.


In this story, Luthor killed his father and left town. Luthor also has a sister with a health condition. My husband said that there were a lot of inconsistencies with this story, including the health of Luthor’s sister. Apparently she is incredibly unhealthy, but she managed to have a daughter.
  
So, Superboy Conner Kent met a girl who was vandalizing a doctor’s office because that doctor wouldn’t help her mother because they didn’t have enough money. Conner went with the girl to her house, and it is revealed that the girl is Lex Luthor’s niece. Another inconsistency that bothered Ash was that even though Luthor’s sister was too poor to pay the doctor, they could afford one of those wheelchair elevators so she could go up and down the stairs.

Anyway, Luthor showed up because he was tracking Connor. He wanted to fight Superboy since he was jealous that Superboy loved Superman more than him. Luthor was ready to fight and even brought some kryptonite with him. Luthor said that he was mad at Superman because Superman makes it so people don’t have to solve their own problems. So, Superboy challenges Luthor to create a cure for his sick sister.

Lex Luthor takes up Superboy on his challenge and develops a cure for the rare disease his sister has. He injects his sister with the medication, and she is miraculously cured! Then, Luthor injects her with the disease to make her sick again. The only reason he did all of that work was prove that he could do it, not that he really wanted his sister healthy. This would probably explain how she could afford to have a wheelchair elevator installed in her home, but she couldn’t pay her medical bills.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wolverine Bedding

Comics are full of advertisements. I found this ad for Wolverine blankets, pillows, and towels. I know a lot of people think that comics are for children, but I’m pretty sure it’s usually adult men who buy and read comics. I wonder how many of these adult men have Wolverine bedding in their homes. I’m sure they don’t sell any big enough for queen or king size beds, but I don’t think that would be a problem for their target market.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Buffy Summers


My husband loves Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He has probably spent more money on supporting the Buffy franchise than he has on me in our entire relationship. He admits that not all of the episodes of the television show are very good, but he says that he likes the character development. Personally, I just think he was lonely in high school and wished he had friends with supernatural powers like in the show.

The Buffy character actually began in a movie called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. From what I’ve heard, it was pretty terrible. It was so bad that the creator, Joss Whedon, walked off the set before it was finished. Buffians like to pretend the movie didn’t exist and say that it is not in the Buffy canon. Regardless, the movie introduced the world to a character named Buffy Summers. She was a blonde high school cheerleader who got some supernatural demon powers that she had to use to fight vampires.

The television series began with Buffy moving to a new school. She wasn’t as popular at her new school, and she had to make friends with some nerds. After school, she would fight vampires and other monsters. One of the vampires actually killed her at one point, but a little CPR brought her back to life. Buffy tried to date humans unsuccessfully, like many high school girls. However, she had another option – she could date vampires! Buffy’s first vampire boyfriend was Angel, who went crazy after they consummated their relationship. She ended up killing him.

Buffy didn’t do well in high school because her extra-curricular activities and personal life got in the way. She managed to graduate though and get into a local college, where she continued to fight vampires and unsuccessfully date humans. She ended up dropping out of college and took a job at a fast-food joint to help support her little sister when their mother died. Buffy died again, but she was replaced by a vampire-slaying robot that looked just like her.

Once again, Buffy was brought back to life. Instead of CPR, she was revived using magic. By this time, she gave up on trying to forge a romantic relationship with a human and started dating another vampire. She still fought demons, which was easier since she no longer had any educational obligations.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Justice League International


The Justice League International used to be the Justice League of America, which was sold as “all your favorite superheroes in one book.” In the 1980s, Jerry Conway placed the team in Detroit. It was called Justice League Detroit, and there were new characters with names like “Vibe” and “Commander Steel.”

DC decided to kill off all the characters and give it to the new creative team. The overhaul included a new name, and it was just called the Justice League at first. It was renamed Justice League International in the 7th issue. The JLI was full of B-team superheroes including Martian Manhunter, Black Canary, Mr. Miracle, Booster Gold, Blue Beetle (Ted Cord, who was the 2nd Blue Beetle), Captain Marvel, Guy Gardner, and Batman led the team. Later on, Martian Manhunter was later left in charge.

At first, JLI told stories of the heroes accomplishing things, but it eventually turned into a buddy comic with Booster Gold and Blue Beetle doing stupid stuff. Ash said they would laugh like, “Bwa ha ha,” and so it was known as the “Bwa ha ha” era. Blue Beetle would always make jokes in these stories. Ash liked it when the Blue Beetle called Batman Spock. Not to be outdone, Batman told his only joke later on in the issue. When they were flying around in the Beetle-mobile, Batman said, “Straight ahead, Mr. Sulu.” Apparently, it was awkward for everyone.

In another issue, Guy Gardner wanted to fight Batman for the command. He even took off his Green Lantern ring to make the fight fair. Batman knocked him on his ass in just one punch, and then Guy Gardner behaved.

Ash’s favorite part about the JLI is that it has embassies in other countries. When the team was getting ready to go to Moscow, Martian Manhunter sent a big crate. The movers opened the crate and discovered it was full of Oreo cookies. It turned out that since Captain Marvel was really just a kid in an adult body, he would like to snack on cookies, which he shared with Martian Manhunter. So now, Martian Manhunter has two weaknesses: fire and Oreos.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Facebook Fan Page

I recently created a fan page on Facebook because I apparently need more attention and am not wasting enough time on the internet! I would sincerely appreciate it if you’d swear your undying devotion (or mild bemusement) by becoming my fan.

Geoff Johns


According to my husband, Geoff Johns’ slogan should be, “Slowing bringing back comics to glory of 1982.”

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Superman Secret Origin 4

I obviously didn’t read Superman Secret Origin # 4, but Ash told me about it. He said the story began outside of Lex Luthor’s compound with a crowd. Apparently, Luthor was going to select one person to improve his/her life with some of his life-changing specialists. The person who was selected was a glutton, and he was brought inside to take a bunch of tests. This person was also able to help himself to some doughnuts, which he devoured. Unfortunately, he dropped one of the doughnuts on the floor, and it landed in some chemical. Since this man was a pig, he ate the doughnut anyway, and he turned into the Parasite.


The Parasite is a mutant that feeds off people’s energy and kills them. I asked Ash if he was horribly deformed after his transformation. “Yes,” he said, “The Parasite is all pink and has a biter-mouth.” With this information, I just don’t know how I can resist reading this series.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Random Omnicon Cheese

Ash loves the Legion Omnicon, and so I enjoy it when my blog is mentioned there. This time, my articles from Legion Week were listed.

My blog was added to the list at Random Happenstance, which is a blog that has some funny pictures of superhero toys acting out scenes.

Finally, I got a link at Cheese Dreaming because of a cheese-eating ghost!

Jimmy Olsen

In most of the Superman stories, Jimmy Olsen is a kid who takes photos at the Daily Planet, where Superman works. In Smallville, Jimmy and Little Superman are peers.


It seems to me that Jimmy Olsen is like Peter Parker sans-Spidey-sense. He’s a dorky teenager who takes photos for a newspaper.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Adventure Comics # 4

Ash insists that Adventure Comics # 4 is the greatest comic ever because it has every fanboy’s fantasy: two Legions.


This comic features dual numbering, so it’s also comic number 507. Apparently that’s significant.

Anyway, before Ash could tell me about the greatest Adventure Comics issue ever, he had to fill me in on the back story. So, Superboy Prime was sucked into a black hole with Superman, Lois Lane, and Alexander Luthor during Crisis on Infinite Earths. (Alexander Luthor is not the same as Lex Luthor who is Superman’s nemesis. Instead, Alexander Luthor is a good guy from Earth 3.) While in space-purgatory, Lois began to die. Luthor and Superboy Prime began going insane because of their homesickness. Then, in Infinite Crisis, many of the “Infinite” Earths get destroyed. Superman, Lois, Luthor, and Superboy Prime all try to recreate Earth with the five remaining Earths. It ends with the Joker killing Alexander Luthor.

Adventure Comics # 4 is about Superboy reading Adventure Comics #4. Yes, he is reading the issue he is in, and he doesn’t like how it ends. Alexander Luthor rises from the dead as a Black Lantern and torments Superboy Prime, who is evil. SP says his catchphrase, “It’s Prime time!” He then gets sent back in time, and he fights the Legion of Three Worlds. They send SP to a copy of Earth Prime. I think that’s how the story ends, but I’m not sure. Ash started talking about another comic book thing without taking a breath and I was left completely bored and confused.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Don Star

Dawnstar is one of the scantily clad women in the Legion of Super-Heroes who is defined by her chest.

(Drawing by Gary Frank.)
 
She’s an angel with what looks to be a butt on her ribcage.

Apparently in the DC universe, there was a group of Native Americans who wanted to leave Earth. They moved to a new planet called Starhaven and they “evolved” to grow wings. One of the Starhavenians was named Dawnstar, and she decided to come back to Earth one day to become a superhero.

Ash said that Dawnstar hasn’t been in continuity in the last 10-15 years, but he still likes her character. He insists that she’s cool because she can track people well and has big “wings.”

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Martian Manhunter

Martian Manhunter doesn’t hunt Martian-men; he is a Martian who hunts men. He is the last Martian, and his one weakness is fire, which coincidentally is my husband’s only weakness. He’s basically a green Superman without x-ray vision. He can read minds, shape shift, and fly. Martian Manhunter is also in the Justice League International.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Mayan Fanboy God

The ancient Mayans had many Gods and Goddess to rule over the celestial realm, Earth, and Xibalba (the underworld). They even had a patron God of fanboys.

This is Hunahdork. He is the guardian of comics, omnibuses, and all things geeky. My husband found this glorious idol to help protect his precious comics and trades. Hunahdork is an extremely faithful Deity, and he makes sure that my husband’s books are kept safely on his shelf.