Friday, April 30, 2010

Power Girl’s Proportions


 
Poor Power Girl, no one can ever get her proportions right. Even in this Wonder Woman comic, Power Girl’s proportions are abnormal. While there are many oddities with her proportion, the one that stands out the most to me is her tiny head!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Freaks and Geeks

Freaks and Geeks is an awful television show that has Seth Rogen in it and Marshall from How I Met your Mother. It’s about high school students that do drugs (the “freaks”) and their socially awkward younger siblings (the “geeks”). I didn’t watch a lot of it because I’m really not entertained by shows about teenagers, let alone Seth Rogen as a teenager.


I think the older kids are in an awful band like the kids in Degrassi, which may be why Ash likes the show. I don’t know. It’s a bad show.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

How to Survive FCBD


Free Comic Book Day is right around the corner, and I’m going to share some tips on how to survive it. It would be ideal if you have other obligations that day, but perhaps you owe your fanboy because he bought you dinner, cleaned the bathroom, or he is blackmailing you. If you find yourself being coaxed into going to FCBD, here are some survival guidelines.

  1. Bring a book to read. After about an hour, you’ll need some form of entertainment other than listening to the latest crossover event.
     
  2. Wear a hat and shades. Not only will it protect you from the sun, but you never know who will drive past the comic book store and notice you. A disguise will help avoid awkward conversations at work the next Monday.
     
  3. Bring snacks and something to drink. You will be less tired and cranky if you are nourished.
     
  4. Bring enough to eat to share with your fanboy. When he’s eating, he will have to take a break from talking about the latest podcasts.
     
  5. Just keep telling yourself that it only happens once a year, and try to think of ways to “forget” to flip the calendar over from April next year.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Faithless


I really am annoyed by Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I really don’t care for the show all that much in the first place, but her character is just irritating. Maybe I just don’t like that actress.

Anyway, Faith is another vampire slayer – she’s the evil one, but she doesn’t have a goatee to show the audience that she is no good. Instead, she shows up one day and is welcomed by the Buffy clan. Faith isn’t very smart, likes to fight, and is promiscuous. She even “dated” Xander briefly because he was convenient.

After everyone discovered Faith’s true nature, she fought Buffy, tried to kill Angel, and wreaked some other types of havoc. At some point Buffy stabbed her, and she was in a coma for a few seasons. When she was revived, I think she joined Team Buffy once again.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Tom Servo


Tom Servo is another robot on Mystery Science Theater 3000. He’s red, has inoperable arms, and he sits on the left side of the human in the theater. Because Tom Servo is hilarious, he has earned a Fanboy Wife Seal of Approval. Pudgy, sarcastic, and often singing, Servo helps make watching terrible sci-fi movies enjoyable.

 
Servo’s origins go back to a silver robot created by Joel Hodgson named Beeper. Fortunately for Servo, he got a new head, was painted red, and got a voice. His original voice was provided by J. Elvis Weinstein, but he was replaced by Kevin Murphy, who late played Professor Bobo. Even though Weinstein left voluntarily, Murphy received a banner that said, “I hate Tom Servo’s new voice!” from an irate fan.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Rejected

Even though Seth Rogen isn’t in the movie Accepted, the actor that’s the really overweight version of Seth Rogen is in it, so my husband bought it. I kind of watched it when my husband had it playing, but it was pretty ridiculous. This film is a great example as to why people who never went to college shouldn’t be allowed to make movies about college.


 
The movie is about a 30-year-old high school senior who is an idiot and can’t get into college. So, he makes a fake college and scams his parents into giving him the tuition money. As a “crazy twist” the website for the fake college is found by other 30-year-old idiotic teenagers who apply to the phony college, who all show up with their belongings and tuition. The scammer teenager decides to take their money and set up classes that include tanning and playing video games.

Eventually, the real colleges catch wind of the scam and insist that the bogus college needs to shut down because they are unaccredited. The movie concludes with an accreditation investigation, and then the movie ends. I bet that the fake college gets to stay open, but Ash kicked me out of the room because I kept complaining.

The accreditation hearing was completely absurd. First of all, there are many colleges that operate unaccredited. Many Fundamentalist Christian colleges have been operating like that for generations, so it’s not illegal. When I was in college, I helped participate in the college’s accreditation processes. It was more like a science fair than a trial. The professors and department heads each selected a few students to come with them to help set up a booth. I had to bring a project I created with the appropriate paperwork and answer a few questions by the “judge.” In the end, we got accredited because of the high caliber of work that we did, not because we gave passionate speeches that “challenged the system” or whatever the morel of the story was supposed to be.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Tales from the Crypt Season 2

Ash got the first and second season of Tales from the Crypt together. I don’t know how many seasons there are, so I don’t know how many more DVDs he will need to buy in order to complete the collection.

The second season is even creepier than the first, and it has more episodes. This season features zombies, fat guys, murderers and vampires! The most disturbing show explains the Crypt Keeper’s birth, which is interesting to fanboys because they love origin stories.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Captain America vs. Hitler


Back in the day, Jack Kirby drew the iconic image of Captain America punching Hitler. I guess the updated version for the 21st century is to have Captain America squeezing Hitler.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Shat-Tastic Comic


Last year, when I was held hostage at Free Comic Book Day, I got a William Shatner comic book. I actually read the comic, even though it kept getting worse and worse with each page I turned. Since Shatner is kind of cheesy, I thought the comic would have at least been slightly amusing, but it wasn’t. It was a collection of science-fiction comics that had nothing to do with Shatner.

The only thing it had to do with Shatner was his likeness on the cover. Too bad I hadn’t learned my lesson that comic covers often have nothing to do with their contents yet.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Seth Green on Buffy


I actually sort of like Seth Green, but even his presence can’t make me enjoy Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He was a werewolf without a lot of lines and a terrible costume. I really hope that he didn’t have to wear the monkey/wolf suit, or he at least got paid well. His character dated Willow for a little while, and then he ran away through the doggy door one season.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yet Another Ghostbusters Shirt


My husband recently added another Ghostbusters t-shirt to his collection. This one looks like a comic book cover, which makes it a truly coveted fanboy item.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Transformers

Fortunately for me, my husband doesn’t have fanboyitis for Transformers. That’s probably why he didn’t care when I told him there is a new Transformer. He’s robot with a sunny outlook on life; his name is Optimist Prime!
 

(Drawing by Fanboy Wife)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Tales from the Crypt Season 1

I remember seeing Tales from the Crypt late at night when I was a kid. As a kid, I was oblivious to the fact that it was based on the comics with the same name. (Some of the episodes are based on other EC titles.) I remembered that I liked the Crypt Keeper puppet because it was so creepy looking.


Now that Ash and I watched the first season, I realize that I must have watched the edited episodes in syndication. I can’t believe how many swear words and naked ladies are in this show! Ash pointed out that it originally aired on HBO, which explains a lot.

Isn’t it kind of funny that I have a tolerance for staged murders, zombies, and ghosts, but I draw the line at naked women and potty mouths?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Free Comic Book Day Warning

Before Ash was diagnosed with fanboyitis, I thought FCBD stood for “Fat Chance Belly Dance.” I thought it was really odd when one day a few years ago he was talking about how he was so excited about FCBD. I was confused because I didn’t think he even knew what American Tribal Style belly dance was at the time, let alone why he was so interested in it. It turned out that FCBD refers to “Free Comic Book Day” for fanboys and their ilk.


Free Comic Book Day is the first Saturday in May, and it is when comic book shops give away comics and other stuff in order to entice the geeks and nerds in the community to go to their stores instead of ordering their comics online. It’s a big social outing for fanboys as well because they get to interact with people in meat-space instead of just online in forums and on blogs.
 
Last year, Ash convinced me to go along with him so he could get twice as much stuff. Little did I know that I would have to sit on the sidewalk outside of a comic store for hours waiting for it to open. Most of the people in line were children, but at least the big family behind us was pretty well-behaved because the parents brought snacks and activities to keep the kids occupied while in line. Aside from sitting on cement for such a long period of time, the biggest annoyance was the group in line ahead of us. In the group, there was a chain-smoker who thought it was a good idea to keep smoking even though it was a crowded area mostly made up of children, including his own. He was also dressed head-to-toe in Punisher regalia. The smoker had annoying children who thought it was good idea to tear up the plants outside of the store and throw rocks. The other grownups in the group thought that the little vandals were hilarious. They also thought listening to all of the ringtones on their phones was hilarious as well. I know that it’s a stereotype that people who like comics are anti-social, but it was like those people had never been in public before FCBD! Unfortunately, they didn’t uphold the stereotype that comic fans are smart.

Right before the store opened for the festivities, a half-dressed Darth Vader pulled up in a minivan and hobbled into the store. That was slightly amusing, but it was also unnerving. I suppose he couldn’t drive with helmet on, but it did destroy some of the mystery of what Darth Vader looks like under the mask.

Once inside, the store was set up like a maze that required all of the fanboys and their hostages to snake through the store to encourage them to buy lots of extra merchandise. Ash actually had a list of what comics I needed to grab for him because the store limits how many people can take. Since Ash also got free comics from DCBS, the new ones in the store, plus mine, it left me with being able to pick out a comic of my very own. Since I had no idea what to take, I just grabbed the one with William Shatner on the cover. I thought if I was going to nerd-out I better go all the way!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Starman Omnibus


The Starman Omnibus features the famous story when Starman fights giant Marilyn Monroe and Captain Marvel.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Booster Gold

Ash has a bunch of Booster Gold comics, but he doesn’t talk about them all that much. He tried explaining Booster Gold to me, but I wasn’t a very good listener.

 
I think Booster Gold is a football player from the future. He was kind of a jerk-wad, and then he decided to redeem himself. So, he stole a Legion ring from a museum and traveled back in time. With the technology from the future, he has an advantage over everyone else and is a superhero. He can probably fly or something too.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Angel


One of the themes explored in Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer was inter-species dating. Buffy, who is human, liked to date vampires. Her first vampire boyfriend was Angel, who was supposed to be a dark and tormented character. However, he just came across as a tall guy with a big head and even bigger hair who liked to wear black.
 
Apparently Angel was an evil vampire named Angelus. He was such a badass, that he even got an “A” for “Angel” tattooed on his back before electric tattoo guns were invented. He used to torture people and made a few vampires himself. Unfortunately for him, he ate a Romani girl. (The show referred to her as a “Gypsy,” but I know that term can be considered offensive.) Anyway, the girl’s family cursed him and gave him back his soul. Once Angel got his soul back, he felt very bad for his past transgressions, moved to the United States, and lived in a sewer. The curse was meant to make him feel miserable, yet if he ever became happy he would lose his soul and become evil again.
 
Angel then met Buffy and they fought evil together and started to date after he moved out the sewer. On one of their dates Angel got “happy” and lost his soul. He then ran amok and bothered Buffy and her friends until Buffy killed him. Regrettably, right before Buffy ran him through with a sword Willow found a way to reinstate Angel’s soul.

Somehow Angel came back to “life” and was as dark and tormented as ever. He then moved to a different town and got his own television show with his own sidekicks. I think he got a psychic demon, a green guy, and a human friend in his contract.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Monday, April 12, 2010

Flash Reborn

Ash loves the Flash, which I find hilarious because it’s been years since he’s done any running himself. I think he had to run for the Presidential Fitness Test back in elementary school, but I didn’t even run for that.

 
Anyway, Ash now has The Flash Rebirth comic. Even though the Flash grows up to be the fastest man alive, his mother was still in labor for 18 hours.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Man-Bat

Now, I’m familiar with the mainstream superheroes such as Spider-Man, Superman, and Wonder Woman just because they’re integrated enough into popular culture. I even know about the more obscure superheroes including, Bouncing Boy, Saturn Girl, and Lightning Lad thanks to my husband’s unhealthy obsession with the Legion of Super-Heroes.
 

However, I am still learning about new comic book characters. The newest character that I’ve discovered is Man-Bat. I think he was originally a bat who was bit by a radioactive Bruce Wayne, and then he developed his superpowers.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I’m Spartacus

Comics are just full of advertisements. From cover-to-cover, fanboys can learn about exciting products such as Wolverine bedspreads and Spider-Man toothbrushes. The back covers also house ads. Many comics will feature the exact same advertising, so fanboys are bombarded with repeated images.


On the back of many of Ash’s comics are advertisements for Spartacus, but not the old movie. I guess there’s a television show about him now. However, with all the comics piled up around my living room there are lots of Spartacuses. It really makes the “I’m Spartacus” scene from the film a little easier to act out with multiple copies.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Observe and Report

What’s the difference between Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report? Well, Observe and Report has Seth Rogen in it, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop has a scene with the main character eating an old piece of candy that he found on the floor because he’s hypoglycemic. Also, the latter is slightly more tolerable, even with the floor-candy scene, because the Paul Blart character is likeable since he cares about others.


They’re both movies about mall security guards who want to be cops, they are each infatuated with women way out of their leagues who work in their respective malls, and they have to overcome challenges, and in the end they learn to appreciate their jobs as security guards. Even though my husband is responsible for me watching both movies, he chose to buy the worse out of the two. At least he saw the value in not buying the same movie twice.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Anorexic-Contortionist-Amputee-Ninja-Stripper-Girl

I don’t know if the anorexic-contortionist-amputee-ninja-stripper is the title character in Psylocke or not, but I do question her decision to wear platform boots and a thong to fight evil ninjas though.
 
  
Seriously, it might be cold outside. The evil ninjas are completely bundled up, but Anorexic-Contortionist-Amputee-Ninja-Stripper-Girl must not have read the weather report that day.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Gigantic

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic, it’s a big, big comic!


(If you got my Pixies joke, I’m sorry.)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Willow Rosenberg

Willow Rosenberg is another character from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She is the same actress from How I Met your Mother. She was one of Buffy’s nerdy friends, and was in love with Xander for a long time. She eventually gave up on him and started dating a werewolf. She also became a witch after she managed to bring Buffy’s dead vampire-boyfriend back to life.

Willow was also very smart and was the only one in her group of friends who did well in school. Despite her intelligence, she and Buffy went to the same college after high school and were roommates.


At first, Willow used her witch-powers for good, but eventually she used her powers for evil. At one point in the show, a man killed Willow’s girlfriend, so Willow skinned him alive! After some magical rehabilitation, Willow was allowed to join society again when she used magic to fight demons and vampires with her friends.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Haunt

Ash didn’t tell me what Haunt was about, but he wanted to share the comic cover with me. It took me a minute to see that it was a human head exploding with wormy-tentacles on the right. I still can’t tell if it’s the man’s tongue coming out of his mouth all stretched out, or if it is another tentacle from the glowing skeleton man.
 

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Poor, Dead Hawkman (His Head’s a Zombie)


 
Even Hawkman (his head’s a hawk) couldn’t escape the Blackest Night trend. What will that poor hawk do now that it’s attached to a zombie? Does it mean that the hawk is dead too? Will it crave the brains of other hawks for dinner?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Manhunter and Martian Manhunter


Ash was telling me about the girls-only Birds of Prey super-team, and he mentioned Manhunter was one of the characters. I was pretty confused because I thought Manhunter was the green Superman from Mars. I knew that shape-shifting was one of his superpowers, so I had a nice mental image of him changed into a lady. When I asked Ash about it, he had to explain that Manhunter is a different character from Martian Manhunter. Manhunter is from Earth and is female.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Fastest Shirt Alive


Here’s another one of Ash’s t-shirts from the Flash collection. It looks like the Flash couldn’t wait for the paint to dry before shipping it out to regional retailers

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Priorities


Dear Ash,

Why did you spend all of the rent money on comics? Good luck fitting in one of your long boxes for shelter. Now you will have to burn all of your comics for warmth!

Love ,
Fanboy Wife